My Life Has Been A Nightmare Or Something Horrible like That!

No, not my whole life...

For the last 10 years of my life, or so, I have been partially holding my breath, my life on pause, waiting, waiting, waiting, and hoping for all of the dark, bad, horrible things to stop showing their ugly faces laced with unmentionable amounts of hurt, anxiety, and pain so I can move on and get back to the life I knew before it all began. It seems as though I have waited at least half of my lifetime. Speaking of which, I am only 51 years on this beautiful planet we call earth. So I am not as "saged" in life as some but not nearly as naive as others. I do not claim to "know it all" or to even know more than any of you who may find yourself perusing the words I have written on this blog. I am, however, tired of holding my breath, which causes such a continuous pain in my chest, and constantly waiting and hoping for my world to turn back to at least it's original state of balance and what I once called happy. Instead I have decided to pick myself up from the shattered rubble I awoke to find myself engulfed in and to learn how to stand upright and to walk on through and over a completely un-balanced terrain in which I seem to continually find myself to be. Because make no mistake, each time I believed I had reached the end of my troubles and I felt the warmth of a warm promising sun on my face, without fail trouble would befall me once again and down I would fall backward into the sharp shards of hurt and despair. But... Finally I felt that I was no longer falling as hard and that even some times the sun ceased to completely disappear as times before.
That But... Is the story I intend to tell. Not all at once, of course. Not all right now.
Be patient with me, hear what I am trying to say as I endeavor to tell "my side of my life's story."
I must tell it! It may not be from beginning to end, but before I am through, I hope I get to tell the best parts and that my life's simple story will be a light to someone who may be wondering in the darkness of life.
I will be posting this post and it's subsequent posts under the blog I created for it especially,
"Remembering Me."
Julie Ann

Change, It Does Come!

Change... It Does Come!

There is absolutely no way that I can settle down long enough to put into words all the change and emotions I am and have been experiencing over the past two weeks! So, for now, I am just going to share a little with you.
I have less than one week now before I move to the Raleigh area with my hubby and grandson! I know! This simple sentence in no way explains anything at all! I have a sister and her family who live in the area. I have an Aunt, an Uncle, three cousins, who live in the area, not to mention nieces and nephews who have grown into young adults without me. Two of my grandchildren live there as well.
Lifetime of a story put short? My husband and I have lived away from home and family since we were first married and this December we will have been married for 32 years! I know! A whole 3/4's of a lifetime! LOL! We have been apart due to his job in the area for almost 18 months only seeing each other on the weekends. But two weeks ago we decided we were not waiting on the house to sell any longer! We have rented an apartment and will be moving in, by the grace of God this coming Sunday! I am ecstatic!! After living in this small town with very little stores and resources for the past 8 or so years I am moving to a tri-city area! Enough said?! Well, I am excited! In so much that I just had to share it with my blog readers! Changes and lots of 'em are on my horizon and I can barely wait! I feel like a bird set free from a lifetime in a very small cage! If I knew it, I would sing that old song "Feeling Good!" These are the words.

Birds flying high you know how I feel 
Sun in the sky you know how I feel 
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel 

It's a new dawn 
It's a new day 
It's a new life 
For me 
And I'm feeling good 

Fish in the sea you know how I feel 
River running free you know how I feel 
Blossom in the trees you know how I feel 

It's a new dawn 
It's a new day 
It's a new life 
For me 
And I'm feeling good 

Dragonflies out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know 
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean 
Sleep in peace when the day is done 
And this old world is a new world 
And a bold world 
For me 

Stars when you shine you know how I feel 
Scent of the pine you know how I feel 
Oh freedom is mine 
And I know how I feel 

It's a new dawn 
It's a new day 
It's a new life 
For me 
And I'm feeling good

Okay! Gotta get back to packing! Thanks for sharing in my joy!
Have a great day!
Julie

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A pebble in the Water

Do people see anything? I wonder how many people actually see every, or almost every outcome of any given deed before they decide to do it. You know you have at some time heard the saying stating every action has a reaction? Yes. This is so true, so very true. For example, Your son or daughter wants to leave home. Well, of course, leaving home is only natural and a common thing for children to do. But what they do not understand or realize is that the manner and reason in which they leave may very well determine their plight in at least the present part of their lives and that it could and most likely will reflect through their decisions and on to the outcome of their decisions.
Without saying more and to put it more simply, It is not always "what" we do that takes us to a negative outcome, but mostly why and in what manner and for what reason or reasons that we did it.
Yes. Every action has a reaction. Setting off a rippling affect that never stops and that we may not have the chance to ever change.
Think twice, act once.
Julie

Election (Resurrection) Day 2012! What If?!

REALLY?!?! These are our choices?!!
Wake up America! The clock is striking 12! Where are the great leaders of our once great nation????! Are they sleeping?! Hiding?! Impaired? Or is it that this great nation no longer has any leaders left? Wake up!! Stir yourselves!
Where are our leaders??!

Better than any medicine!

If you can close your eyes for a bit and imagine what it would be like to be lost in a dry and barren place. A place you are not familiar with at all. A place where you are all alone. And all you have to look forward to is any kind of breeze at all, then you can begin to understand the place that I have been emotionally trapped in for way too long and how great, wonderful, fantastic, and elated I felt this past Saturday when my hubby and I were able to get away together for half of the day. We had the best time! Well, I know I surely did!
It was mid day before we got to our destination and since we had skipped breakfast, we were both hungry.
We ate at the Texas Road House instead of Applebee's where we first stopped, went in, ordered, and decided not to stay. Hubby loves bread with his meals and Applebee's doesn't serve bread with some of theirs. So, he spoke up and said, "we should have gone to the Texas Road House! They serve bread with every meal!" Well, he'd no sooner said it, when I said "do you want to go?" After a short bit of convincing, I hailed the waitress, paid for the tea, and we were off! I am so glad we ended up at the TRH! The food was soooo very good and i just melted like the fresh cinnamon butter when I took a bite of  those hot, freshly baked rolls! Oh my! Yum! That was the start to a wonderful, peaceful, fun day!
We went to the local Macy's, I actually found a nice outfit for Fall among a couple other things and hubby bought it for me. Now mind you, he is not a delightful shopper but he was just the best and we had so much fun!
I hope we can do it all over again really soon!
Thanks for listening!
Julie

An Introduction...

**Please Note, This blog post is dated so that it will remain at the top of the blog. This was my first post so I am going to leave it. I will better explain as we go along.**

"Remembering Me"
(This post was my original thought of how this blog would go but as you read past this post, you will see that I am now free from worrying about when, how, and who to say it to. I promise, I will make more sense as you go. Now, on to the following first post.)

This is the title I had decided on for my 2012 life journal project that will begin, now and go until it is finished. I am going to aim for 6 months for now. So, just a bit of reasoning behind this project so it will make sense to you.

30 years of love, marriage, children, grandchildren, the loss of my father that left too soon. The loss of my Grandmother, and other loved ones as well. Such losses that have left such huge holes in my heart, my life, and my soul, that I just couldn't seem to re-fill them again and seemingly no-one around that would help me. 
And on top of such great losses to me I also have to deal with the loss of my grandchildren... 
(longer, painful story) As well as all the ups and downs of life it's self...
I reached a point where I woke up one morning and asked myself, where did "I" go?! "Who" am I? and what is really left of the person I once was? Is she still in there? Is it too painful to even try to dig "her" up?! After all, there are reasons I had to bury her in the first place right? Reasons like hurts, pain, failures, and yes, even hopelessness.
Well, if you, like myself, are ready to find the answers to some or all of these questions that you may find yourself asking "yourself" as I have asked myself, then you are welcome to join me in this process of progress for the new beginning of our lives! Just as the teacher told Anne in "Anne of Green Gables," today is brand new with no mistakes in it", I keep trying to remember this very thing. Not if, but when I fail some way today, tomorrow is a fresh, brand spankin' new day with no mistakes in it! Which interprets into the one thing we as living, loving, and thriving beings must never lose the vision of, "H-O-P-E". Something that at this point in my life I seem to lose sight of all too often! But the "real" question is, how do I get it back?? How do I get back to living?

This journal project is not just to record the daily happenings of my life but it "will be" a very raw emotional and personal creation in progress. It may not be for those who have not come to this particular point in their life as of yet. It is meant to help me coherently open my eyes, to wake up, and  to help my understanding of all the stuff life throws at me, and hopefully to once again, open my heart to hope always, to dream without limits, and to remember how to breathe so I can LIVE life again! Not just exist in the shell of the person I once called "me, myself, and I".

I will be committing to at least a "once a week" entry with this project. At least once a week that I will share a question or maybe an answer that I have found with you who choose to walk this path with me. Maybe even some times I'll have a question that I will find the answer to all in one week! That is my goal. But for the sake of not letting anyone down I am committing to once a week for now. If there is more I can share I certainly will because it is not only myself that I am trying to help and make peace with, I want to hopefully have a hand in possibly helping someone else who might feel just like me at this point in their life as well. This too, is also my goal. 

Look a there! Already "two" reasons to reach for more than I already am or may have ever been! Myself, and You.
   So!! I am asking for you to help me out here. I am asking you to share your life stories with me as well whether in private or as a comment here on this blog. I am not looking to judge or to be judged, just to help and be helped. I think those rules are as simple as it gets! I don't claim to have even half of the answers that I need!  And NO, I do not have to share any of this with any of you, but, if it will help anyone at all in even the very smallest of ways, then I am happy to do so.
Here's to Hope!
Live your Life!
Hugz 2 U!
Julie

Sometimes I Wander...

I could say or I could have said that I have started a new blog today, but, I cannot because after I had typed what I believed would be my very first entry for my new blog about finding truth, I accessed my blogger to set it all up while wondering what I should name it and there it was all ready created and ready to go! A miracle you ask?! LOL! No! Not at all. Well maybe a little...
Some time ago I wanted to start a new blog about my daily life encounters. I believe that when we say it or write it down it helps us to grasp our lives and the happenings that take place in them much better no matter what they are. I wanted to write a daily entry but only committed to one a week. Well, I just couldn't seem to pull all of my ideas together and today it just fell right in my lap! Literally! Well, lol, my IPad is in my lap! Sorry. Anyway... I did start a new blog when I had first conceived the "finding myself" idea, I named it, saved it, put my first post in it, and here it is! All ready for me to add the post I have written today to.
So! Here it goes! My second post for this, my new blog! All you have to do is keep reading on to the next post.{smile}
Onward & Upward!